It's time...

After a couple days back in Chicago, things start to fall into perspective. The flights weren’t bad at all, and outside of a minor snafu with my luggage, everything went smoothly. I got home and settled in. My cat didn’t recognize me at first, but after a couple hours it was as if I never left. She’s sitting next to me right now. I’m usually able to avoid jet lag by sleeping at just the right time on a long flight, but this time around the people around me were too annoying and I couldn’t get to sleep. So here I sit in my room at 6 in the morning, figured I might as well do an entry.

Looking around and meeting up with old friends and acquaintances, it’s made me realize that going to Australia to study and be on my own was 100% the right choice. I’ve come a long way since I left and I think that I’ve grown a lot. I’ve become more independent, more confident, and I’m really coming into my own both personally and professionally. That being said, I think I’ve still been holding back a bit, trying to save a little part of myself in case things go badly.

Looking at where I am now, it’s time. It’s time to stop holding back, it’s time to take all the safeties off, it’s time to give everything I’ve got and fulfill my potential. I’m already set on a path towards what I want to be doing with my life, and succeed or fail, I won’t be satisfied unless I know that I did absolutely everything in my power to work towards my goals. It’s about time I took control and became the hero in the story of my life.

There are a few pieces to the puzzle when dealing with these kinds of situations. The first piece is knowing what you want. In my case, I think I’ve got that pretty much figured out, although now things have become all the more clear. The second part of this is having the drive, confidence, and patience to go for it, regardless of how long it might take or how difficult it might be. The third piece is knowing when to be selfish and knowing when to sacrifice. My self-esteem has always been my biggest issue. I was always all too willing to sacrifice; feeling like my life was worth less than anything or anyone else. Now, while I’m still more than willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of the people I care about, I think I can be a bit smarter about the sacrifice, not quite giving myself in to it as completely as before. As a result, I’ll be able to take better care of myself and survive longer.

At the end of all this, I’m still essentially the same person – my values haven’t changed. Rather, I think my approach is going to be different. By shedding all the chains that had been weighing me down, I’ll be able to fully utilize every part of myself completely, from my full range of emotions, to the absolute raw power of my mind, and even tapping into my darker natures a bit more. Things are about to get a whole lot more interesting. I'm driven, I've got more than enough ability to get where I want to in life, and most dangerous of all, I know it. We’re getting into a whole new ballgame now, and this time I’m playing for keeps.